Day 14: I'm Thankful for Being Able to Stay Home with my Babies

My dream may not seem like a "dream" to many people, but it's one that has been in my heart for as long as I remember.  The only thing I've ever wanted to be was a mommy.  My dream is to have a house full of children who know, love, and serve Jesus.  My idea of being a mom, however differs from many and that's okay.  My ideal "mommy job" was to be with my kids as much as I possibly could, to witness their milestone, to kiss their boo boos, and be their number one fan. 

When we had Camryn, we were not in a place financially for me to stay at home (mainly b/c of our stupidity in purchasing a new car).  However, with Camryn's birthday being in March, I managed to only have to go back to work for 2 weeks and then I was out for the summer so I did get to be with her for 5 months before I really had to leave her for work.  When I did go back to work in August, I found myself wishing the day away so I could go home and spend time with her.  I hated having to stay late, and if we had a PTA meeting or event we had to go to, I always took her with me so I wouldn't miss out on anything else.  It was hard at times, but I still managed to get it all done and be happy about how I was doing it.

Well, then comes Elli.  Ellisyn was an October baby so I really only got to be with her for 2 full months thanks to Christmas break and my pregnancy sickness.  Going back was really tough after Elli because then I had to come home and split my time between school stuff, cooking, cleaning, my husband, and now two kids.  I'm exhausted and stressed just looking back on it.  Not only was it exhausting physically, but it drained me emotionally because all I really wanted to do was be with my babies.  I felt God telling me to trust him and not go back, but on paper I knew that just wouldn't work (according to me and my abilities that is).  So I decided to go back because we just couldn't afford for me to stay home...not with that STUPID car payment. Oh if I could turn back time!

My last year teaching was TERRIBLE with a capital T.  I went to school each day feeling defeated.  I had a tough class and particularly a tough student who made my job so difficult. I won't go on into detail because that would be a novel in and of itself, but little did I know that this was God showing me that I had made a mistake in not trusting him and being a stay at home mom.  Surprise, surprise, that would not be God's only reassurance that I should have indeed trusted him.  We found out we were expecting again in December, and my morning sickness ruled my life beginning in January.  God had taken matters into His own perfect hands and once again placed me on the path he had already paved before me. The path to His way and His ability.

With a horrible year teaching and a horrible pregnancy I heard God loud and clear, "You need to stay home with your kids because that's where you will make the biggest impact."  I am thankful that my husband has a steady job that can support our family, and I'm thankful for him getting up at the crack of dawn while we are all still in the bed to go to work so I can stay home.  I'm also thankful that he works in place where he can get overtime to pay for all the little extras we have.  I was also offered a part-time job at our church as the Ministry Assistant where I could bring my babies to work with me or even work from home when they're sick. With that said, we paid off that, you guessed it, STUPID car and cut the cable and made a new VERY tight budget.  Just FYI, our money still didn't add up on paper to cover us financially, but God has blessed us richly and we have always had enough to live comfortably and have never once done without what we have needed. 

I love staying home with my babies, and I feel like they have benefited from me focusing on just being mommy.  I love waking up in the morning and not dreading going to work because I feel like I am neglecting my family.  As much as I love staying home with the kids, I also love my job at OPC.  It provides a good out for me.  It doesn't leave me cooped up in the house all day or with the temptation of going and spending money that we don't need to spend.  I get out of the house and I can choose whether or not to take the kids with me. I can also choose to stay home with them if they're too sick without the fear of being criticized for putting my family first.  I am so thankful that although I did not get to witness all of Cam and Elli's firsts, I got to be right there with Crew for all of his.  That means so much to me and brings me so much joy.

I am thankful that God spoke loud and clear that as a mom my place is in the home doing life with my kids.  I may not get paid, receive a promotion, a corner office, teacher of the year, or any other recognition, but what I do receive is the sheer joy of watching my kids grow before my eyes, teaching them in the way they should go, and never having the regret of wishing I had soaked up every moment with them while they were small.  This my friends is the only reward I need in this life! So thank you first of all God for blessing me with this opportunity, Brent for supporting our family, and OPC for allowing me to be a part of your ministry so I can bring home some "bacon".