I was pretty disappointed that I had the dreaded stomach virus on our 9th anniversary yesterday, but it did allow me to just lay around and think about how incredibly blessed I am. I didn't get to go out and buy that perfect anniversary gift that I wanted to get, but in the end that "stuff" doesn't really matter at all. What I have found that truly matters are the words, memories, and experiences that encompass these past nine years. I'm not going to sugar coat it or pretend that it's been all sunshine and rainbows because if you know us, you KNOW without a doubt that would be a HUGE lie! These past nine years as husband and wife may not have been easy and not always enjoyable, but they have shaped who we are both individually and as a couple.
Those words are easy to say, but yesterday I was really struggling with not having anything (even though we're not ones who give/receive extravagant gifts) to give Brent to say thank you and I love you. This morning as I was listening to Pandora "If I Ain't Got You" played and the words made so much sense to me.
Through these nine years we have had many instances where we had to do without the things we wanted, skip vacations, cut the cable, tell our children no to things they want, and not give the gifts we want to give to one another and our family. I know I have, many times, looked around and saw our friends going and doing and buying and felt envious. Brent, I've wished we could go on that cruise, buy that big house, and even as simple as go on a date, but no matter how many vacations, dates, and how many square feet our home could be, if they meant not having you, I would choose you every single time!
According to the American world view we don't have much. We don't often splurge and enjoy the luxuries of life. We cook at home because eating out with a family of five is ridiculously expensive. We live in a home where we often feel crammed together and like we're bursting at the seams. By worldly standards we'd be labeled as "poor" (not the homeless kind but the bless their heart kind), but, world, listen up because I want to tell you that we are not, nor will we ever be poor! We may not have money, fame, or fancy things, but one thing we do have is love, REAL love. The kind of love that could never be bought with any amount of money, the kind of love that is not earned or deserved, but given freely, the kind of love that sacrifices the things we want and enjoy so someone else can be filled with joy, the kind of love that forgives the "unforgivable", the kind of love that I NEVER want to be without, and that is the love of Jesus! My husband doesn't just love me because he wants to because I know there are days when he doesn't feel like loving me, but he loves me because that's what God commanded him to do. Ephesians 5:25 says, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." He loves me with an Agape love. He loves me as Christ loves His bride, the church (you and me).
They say you can't "live on love," but I beg to differ. Love is the only reason I am truly alive. God's love for me is what gave Him the strength to send His son into the fallen world to be ridiculed, tortured, and hung on a cross before His very eyes so that I (and you) could live. Maybe you can't buy things with love, but I'm going to side with Alan Jackson on this one, "love can walk through fire without blinking. It doesn't take much when you get enough...living on love." My heart is so full and my life is so joyful because of the man God knit together in his mother's womb and designed especially with me in mind for me to be his suitable helper. He knew that "in this life there would be trouble," but He also knew that my husband would choose to be obedient to His command to love me wholeheartedly, sacrificially, and with everything he has.
