Late again...It's called life with a sick kid and other priorities. Anyways, here I go on day 12 of thankfulness and hopefully I'll get caught up and do Day 13 as well, but we'll see because today I have 2 sick babies.
When I was younger my brothers used to always tell me that I changed friends like I changed underwear because there was always someone different coming over or spending the night. I wasn't a very nice person in middle school. In all honesty, I was a completely ungrateful brat. I had sweet friends and I was terrible to them, putting them down to make myself feel better about my own insecurities and I even went after boys knowing that my friends liked them. I know that I was a terrible friend and I am ashamed to admit being that person. You reap what you sow...That statement was so true in my life. I was terrible to my friends so in a time when they were given the chance they turned on me and took the opportunity for revenge for all the hurt I had caused them. I was bullied by the "popular" crowd. My friends hated me and humiliated me on a daily basis. My grades dropped and my "life" fell apart.
I moved schools to escape the bullying. I found a friend who I grew to love deeply. We did a lot together and it annoyed others at how much she praised me. I thought we were bestfriends and I let my guard down, but again, I was betrayed, and sort of in the same light that I had betrayed my previous group of friends. It hurt me deeply so from then on I never identified myself with just one group of people. I thought it was because I didn't want to be seen as stuck up, and I really did like things about each group I hung out with, but I can see now that it was just a defense mechanism. If I didn't get too close, it wouldn't hurt later. Because of my drifter spirit when it came to friendships, I found it hard to "belong" and fit in with any group. I enjoyed hanging out with my friends, but then I found myself insecure because I was never the "bestfriend" of anyone.
My freshman year of college was much the same. I hung out with several crowds and never identified fully with any so therefore no really close friendships were developed. I was a hermit my sophomore and junior year and didn't try to make any friends. I had been hurt both times I really opened up and made myself vulnerable and I didn't want to go there again so it was just easier to do it alone. It may have been "easier," but I can see how I missed out. The good news is that life continued and God has poured out his grace on my life and given me another shot at this friendship thing.
I can say today that I love my friends and cannot imagine doing life without them. God brought me this special group of friends through his bride, the church. The bestfriends I have ever had come together each and every Friday night to hang out and study God's word. They have taught me that friendship is something to be treasured and it's a safe haven. They have shown me that I can be exactly who I am without fear of judgement or someone spilling my struggles to the whole world. They have proven that real friends really do exist and for that I am so thankful. I am thankful that I know that no matter the time of day, if I need them, they are indeed just a phone call away and waiting to joyfully serve me at whatever capacity.
To my grow group. I love each one of you deeply and I am so thankful that God has brought you into my life. Thank you so much for accepting me for who I am and loving me anyways. Thank you for holding me accountable to God's word and helping me to grow. Thank you for serving our family throughout the many losses we've experienced together. Thank you for praying for me and helping us through my pregnancies. Thank you for keeping our kids and loving them as if they were your own. You guys have enriched my life so much more than you'll ever realize. You are really more like family to me, except I got to pick you:)! I love you DeAnna, Andi, Michael, Miriam, Alivia, Erick, Miranda, Baileigh, Bentley, Danielle, Taylor, Titus, Chris, Beth, Chloe, Alex, Kylee, Matt, and Paula. I can't forget those who have moved away to do God's work in Greensboro....Tommy, Jessie, Jason, and Liz, you too are included in this day of thankfulness and are loved and missed. Today, I give my thanks for you!
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