The Most Proud Moment in the Life of this Mommy

My oldest child Camryn has always given me a lot to be proud of.  She is definitely the typical first born. You know overachieving, definitive leader (aka bossy), smart as a whip, little grown up.  She typically makes wise decisions and airs on the side of caution.  It's easy to make a mommy proud when you follow the rules and don't appreciate when others bend or break them.  However, last night trumps all my proud mommy moments.

Camryn has been in church her entire life.  She has been inquiring about what it means to be saved for several months now.  She never quite grasped what it meant and just went about her business once her questions were answered.  Last night as I was tucking her in and saying her bedtime prayers with her, she called my name just as I was about to leave her side.  She said, "Mommy, how do I get saved?"  Naturally my heart started beating really fast and I was filled with such joy at her question.  I sat back down and asked for clarification of her question to ensure she was asking what I thought she was asking.  Indeed she was.  She told me about her afternoon at Good News Club and how they asked if anyone wanted to be saved or if anyone had questions about being saved.  She said that she raised her hand because she had questions.  We sat and talked about what it meant to be saved, what it meant for her future, the steps that people have to take after they are saved, and how you become saved.  I think maybe I explained a little too much at one time for her brain to take in because at the end she said, "I think I'm just going to wait for the right time."  I called Brent in for back up and to share the good news of her questions.  He explained a little more and told her that there would never be a right time.  Finally God gave me just the words to say when I was out of explanations.  Those words clicked with her and she said, "I want to be saved, but I don't know the prayer to save me."  Of course there is no magic prayer to grant salvation, but I am so blessed to have been able to lead her in a prayer granting her eternal salvation through Jesus Christ.  I got maybe three words out before the tears started flowing.  Then I hear her sweet little voice trembling as she repeated the words after me.  As we finished and said amen, I felt her loving arms wrap around me and squeeze me so tightly.  I whispered in her ears the words, "I am so proud of you.  I promise that this is the best decision you will ever make!" 

As I let her go I began to think about what was happening in heaven at that very moment.  In my mind I pictured a glorious party with angels dancing and praising God for her salvation so I figured why not show her what the angels in heaven were doing.  Yes, this mommy was doing the "Cabbage Patch" saying Go Camryn. It's your birthday.  

Now I am not naive enough to believe that Camryn fully understands what it means to be saved because I didn't grasp the full meaning and the wisdom of my salvation until later in life, but that's just how it works.  In  Romans 10:9-10 it says, "That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.  For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved."  That is where salvation begins...confession.  Then comes the road to wisdom.  Now we have the challenge (that I'm so happy to be a part of) to help in shaping and molding her into the incredible, beautiful woman of God that God has designed her to become.  I know there will be many trials, temptations, and worldly junk that she's going to encounter on that journey, but I am so thankful to know that God is right there with her upholding her with His righteous right hand and that, "...neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,  neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate (her) from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:38-39).  Psalm 37: 23-24 gives me confidence to know that He will finish the good work He began in her last night.  It says, "The LORD directs the steps of the godly.  He DELIGHTS in EVERY detail of their lives.  Though they stumble, they will NEVER fail, for the LORD holds them by the hand."  God has my girl's heart so I need not worry about a single detail of her life...that's His job!

As proud and as happy as I am, her earthly mother, I can just imagine the God who sent His one and only son to come and endure the cross for her sins smiling down on her weeping with joy and filled with fatherly pride, saying "SHE WAS WORTH IT".  She was worth it, I was worth it, and you, my friend (whoever you may be), ARE WORTH IT!!!  Have you taken that step and given your life to Jesus?  If not, will you take that step today?

P.S. To those who have taken any part in the decision my sweet girl made last night, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart.  Thank you for investing in the life of my precious baby!  Because of you and your love for God, Camryn now has the promise and hope of an eternal life spent in heaven, "playing with God" (as she said).  I ask you to join me in prayer and pray for "her story" that God has already written and her obedience to His calling on her life.  Phil. 1:6 "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in (her) will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."  

A special thank you to her amazing Good New Teachers who have really inspired, encouraged, and made sense to her this year (Michelle McClear and Mrs. Betty Jean Simms).  She adores you ladies and so do I!  Thank you to MIke & DeAnna Morris (you've done so much for the spiritual life of our family), Michael & Andi Williams (providing awesome lessons and Bible School and loving my children like your own), Our grow group (surrounding us with your friendship, love and kindness), "Mr. (Uncle) Chris" Gibson (you know you have a special place in this girl's heart...I couldn't think of anyone better!), Washington Baptist Church (for an amazing Good News Club and Awannas team), Danielle Owens (so, so much to thank you for, but today especially for picking her up from Good News and Awannas every week and loving her like your own), P.Collins (I know a seed was sown from you early on!), and anyone else who has shown my baby the love of Jesus!  Thank you!!!

Camryn, "I love you tttthhhhhiiisss much!"

The Dirty "J" Word...Judgement

My inspiration came from my Bible study this morning.  Today I encountered Matthew 7, and it deals a lot with the topic of judgement.  I was specifically drawn to verses 1 & 2, "Do not judge, or you too will be judged.  For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."  I originally began a Facebook status going a completely different direction, but something told me to just delete because God was telling me something else today, and I think He may even be telling someone else the same thing...Maybe it's you, maybe it's even just one specific person who needs to hear these words today, or maybe somewhere deep down inside, it's many of us.  Whatever the case may be, I felt led to share so here goes.

Let's go ahead and clear the air a little and be completely honest with ourselves for a minute. We are ALL guilty of casting judgement from time to time.  Whether it be in our hearts and minds, gossiping about someone else, or when we explode with a judgmental puke fest on someone when we're at our wits end.  Either way its a sin, in our minds or out in the open.  Maybe it's someone not disciplining their children the "right way" (AKA-your way).  Maybe it's walking into someone's house in disarray and thinking, "wow, this girl's a wreck just like her house!"  Maybe it's talking about how so and so doesn't cook for her family and instead stops at the drive thru night after night and leaves you saying how she doesn't love her kids like you do.  Maybe it's you looking at that person on drugs and saying, "what a dead beat.  How could they possibly choose a substance over the blessings God has given them?" Whatever it is, it's not right...(finger pointing at myself) 

Another glimpse into the judgment women cast is that they usually cast them to fellow women.  Why is that?

I don't know if it's completely a "woman thing" or not, but I know that many women struggle with comparison and it's usually one end of the spectrum or the other (in my experience).  It's either a woman who thinks that she has it all together and her way is the only way, or it's a woman who thinks that she stinks and everyone else has it all together so she tries and fails to be more like them.  The truth is, ladies, neither is correct!  Romans 3:23 says, "for ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."  Jesus also says in John 8:7, "...let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her."  I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that none of us would be picking up that stone to throw it if Jesus was standing next to us verbalizing those instructions to us today. 

Whichever end of the spectrum you fall on, the results can be catastrophic.  For the woman who is constantly throwing her "wisdom" (AKA judgement) at others, she could be tearing down someone who is already believing the lie that she's unloved, ugly, not worth it, and questioning whether or not she's even necessary in this world.  For the one who is constantly judging herself against "Suzie Homemaker" down the road, she'll eventually come to the realization that she'll never be her or "Suzie Homemaker" will fail her by falling short of her expectations and/or could possibly lead her astray. There's definitely dangers to both sides.  Do you really want to be on either end?

So I ask you today, sister, which are you? Or can you find yourself identifying with both sides maybe in different areas of you life?  Whichever it is, let's start a new trend and kick comparison to the curb because the truth is as women we all have different struggles.  We have to hear what is expected of us from the world, from the size our brazier should be to the number we see on the scale as we grudgingly step on to it holding our breath and squinting our eyes all while hoping to see the "right" number.  We can all identify with one another in our feelings of inadequacies so let's stop pretending we have it all together and be real with each other.  Let's stop condemning one another for not doing it "my way" or not prioritizing things "the way I would."   The truth is, friends, God created us all to be unique so that we could serve His purpose in this world.  Being unique means that we are going to be different, we're going to prioritize differently, we're going to discipline our children differently (which is going to keep that unique thing going), and some of us (hold your breath) are not going to care a lick if our house is utter chaos.  Let's embrace those differences instead of judging them. Lets reaffirm one another instead of adding yet another insecurity to a lady's life.  Let's vow to encourage our sisters in Christ  and live out Ephesians 4:29 ("Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.").  When you feel the need to be critical or judgmental stop yourself, confess your thoughts to God and choose to instead encourage your sister because you have no idea what she may be facing.  Let's not put the off-brand band-aid of putting someone else down to make ourselves look and/or feel better because we all know those off-brand band-aids don't hold very long so that wound is going to start bleeding out sooner than later. 

Challenge:

• Make a commitment to write a woman an encouraging note once a week just to uplift and reaffirm her.
• When you start to hear those judgmental thoughts running through your head, stop right then and confess them.  
• Before confronting anyone with judgments and/or criticisms, spend much time in prayer and self-examinations to determine whether your motives are indeed honorable.  If not, confess it and leave it at the cross.
• Be an encourager whenever possible. Be real with your girlfriends and don't pretend  like you have it all together.  We shouldn't expect perfection from one another, but we should expect love and support from those who we identify so closely with!
• Let's revolutionize the way women respond to women!

Wow...My Fail was Epic this Time!

Okay, just as I envisioned I have really stunk this one up!  I have great intentions and aspirations to succeed at this 30 days of thankfulness, but if I would have thought it through a little better, I would have been more prepared (like writing several before the month of November so I would have a stash when life got busy).  I started out by missing a day when life got busy and it led to the feeling of being overwhelmed for getting too behind, then the plague hit me AKA tonsillitis.   I won't make anymore excuses...I just realized that it wasn't as important as the "now" and I refused to let it take me away from the "good stuff". So now in an effort to redeem myself I'll briefly go through the things I am thankful for in an attempt to catch up on expressing my thankfulness.

Day 16: I am thankful for my home.

I am extremely thankful for the structure of my home that keeps us safe, warm, and gives us a place to be us without restraint.  What I am most thankful for about my home is the life that goes on inside and the memories we have created within these walls.  All of my babies have taken their first steps here. There has been both laughter and many, many tears.  There has been kind words and words that cut deep spoken here.  There's even been eggs thrown at someone in the kitchen (I know, I know...Brent should be ashamed right?!)  Hee. Hee.  Though all the times have not been great or easy, they have made us who we are as a family and allowed us to experience forgiving and forgiveness, successes and failures, simply put...life...all in the privacy and comfort of our own "home". 

Day 17: I am thankful for my job.

I've already touched on this one in a few of my previous days of thankfulness.  I am very thankful for my job as the Ministry Assistant and After school director at Oak Pointe Church.  I am thankful because it affords me the opportunity to do what matters most and allows me to be most efficient in my biggest area of impact, my family.  I have the option to bring the babies to work with me or to take some needed time away and get a sitter.  It gives me an out as a stay-at-home mom so I don't feel the need to "get out" and do things like shop and impulse buy just because I feel like my walls are caving in.  I am thankful that I can honestly say that there hasn't been a day where I dreaded going to work because I felt like I was abandoning my family's needs and putting my job first.  I love my job, and I love that my job directly impacts people in South Greenville and all over the world hearing the gospel of Jesus Christ.  Thank you OPC for choosing me!

Day 18: I am Thankful for my Friends.

I used to think that the only friend I needed was Brent.  While he's my best friend and was my only friend for a long time, it wasn't enough.  I've mentioned that I've failed miserably in the area of being a good friend to others, however, God extended His grace to me and brought some of the sweetest, most thoughtful, self-sacrificing people into my life and showed me that I do, indeed, need friends.

  I'm forever thankful for that lesson.  Now I get to work on my skills of being a good friend to these wonderful people.  I've already mentioned those who are closest to me in previous blogs, but there are a few who have slipped through the cracks or maybe we have drifted apart since I stopped teaching, but I still treasure them and our memories and laughs just as much.  To all my SCE friends, I love and miss you guys and will forever call you friends because so many of you were so good to me and I am thankful for you!  To my Teacher Tot Friends, I miss seeing you each day and I am so thankful for you taking care of Cam and Elli when I had to work...You guys ROCK!  To my Facebook friends, you know the ones who pray for me, express kindness and encouragement, and invest in my life, I'm thankful for you.  "A friend loves at all times!" Proverbs 17:17

Day 19: I am Thankful for Technology

Most of the time you'll hear me complain about how I hate technology, mainly because I'm not good at it, but I have to admit that I secretly have a love for it.  Without technology, I wouldn't be able to do most of what I do.  If it weren't for technology and the people who created it, I wouldn't be able to share this with you today.  Without technology I wouldn't be able to pick up my phone and talk with a friend or family member at any moment or text someone when I don't feel like engaging in a full out conversation.  Without technology, I'd have to co-pilot with a paper map (while I enjoy the challenge, putting the address in the GPS is soooo much easier).  Without technology, I would have to do my bank statement by hand and keep up with all my receipts and write those dreadful checks...YUCK!  Without technology, I wouldn't be able to capture so many precious memories through the lens of a camera, phone, or video camera.  Without technology we would never be able to have a peaceful dinner in a restaurant with all three kids (what did parents do before smart phones?? ha ha).  Technology makes my life a lot easier and more efficient and for that I am thankful...I love ease and sufficiency.

Day 20: I am Thankful for My Uncle David and Aunt Margaret.

Ever since I was little I remember anticipating a visit from Uncle David and Aunt Margaret and they were always filled with fun, adventure, and especially lots of GOOD food!  All those things are great in an of themselves, but the truth love, and kindness they spoke into my life has meant more than all of those combined.  They made special trips to SC just so Uncle David could marry both of my brothers and myself.  Uncle David will never know what his marriage ceremony he prepared for Brent and myself meant to me.  I was so honored and proud of his creation.  I am thankful that they have kept in touch with us and even come to SC twice to stay in our home.  Not many older people would trust a couple with young, loud, attention demanding kids enough to come and stay a few days in their homes, but they did and I am very grateful for the memories created for me and my kids during those visits.  I am especially thankful that they opened up their home to us and my grandma this summer for us to visit Texas.  They even had toys, the living room baby proofed, and family all ready to show us SE Texas.  Thank you for making our first visit to Texas a great one!  Uncle David and Aunt Margaret will forever hold a very special place in my heart.  I love you guys!

Day 21: I am Thankful for our Cars.

We may not have the best, newest or nicest cars, but I sure I am thankful for both of them.  I am thankful that they are paid off and running!  I am thankful that both cars allow for 3 car seats and a comfortable ride for the entire family.  I'm thankful that my car has enough room for the five of us and then some.  I'm thankful that I can have confidence in my car getting us to where we need to go (aund if it doesn't I'm thankful I know just who to call!).  I'm thankful to have a car with heat and AC because I know there are so many who do not have that luxury.  I am thankful that I  have a car to take and pick Cam up from school so she doesn't have to ride the school bus and potentially get exposed to so much that she does not need to know about anytime soon!  A car provides us with a way to get to work, school, the grocery store, the doctor, and to create memories wherever we desire to go.

Day 22: I am thankful for my Childhood.

My brothers often recall our childhood in a negative sense, but I don't remember it that way.  They remember being poor and never getting what they wanted.  I don't remember that.  I remember having fun and playing outside all the time, riding bikes, playing Barbies, being sick for like three Christmases in a row, going to bed hungry because I chose not to eat what was cooked, going to Freedom Weekend Aloft EVERY year, big family Christmases, UGLY Easter dresses, and many, many more things.  I remember there being tears and hard times, but the things that stick out most are just the happy memories.  I was not oblivious to our financial situation, but I don't think it caused me to be unhappy.  I am thankful that I was poor because it has made me appreciate my current financial stability so much more.  I also think it has taught me how to be a good steward of what I do have and has taught me to be a good money manager.  While my  childhood may not have been filled with extravagant gifts and living, it was filled with love and a mom and dad who did the best they could and always sacrificially ensured that we had everything we NEEDED.

Day 23: I am Thankful for Summertime.

Summer is my favorite season because it is when I get to spend the most time with my family. 

School is out and everyone is in vacation mode.  Summertime is just more relaxed and less
stressful...No homework, upcoming tests, early bedtimes, or alarm clocks (on most days).  I also love summer because all the pollen is gone and it's warm. If you know me, I HATE being cold!  Plus the sunshine and warm days make me happy!  It makes me just want to go outside and enjoy God's beautiful creation and get dirty with my kids because dirty kids are happy kids, right?!  I am thankful for summer because of what it means to me, relaxing, family, fun, and friends!

Day 24: I am Thankful for my Sister-in-Laws.

I always wished for a sister when I was growing up to identify with because I was left out in the brotherly bond.  I was upset when Chris got married because I felt like April was taking him away.  What I failed to realize was that God had finally given me what I had been asking for...a sister.  I'm thankful that April took the time to fix my hair and do my make up just like hers.  I'm thankful that she let me look up to her and didn't get annoyed when I tried to dress like her.  I'm thankful that she has never tried to exclude me, instead she encourages Chris to be a good brother.  I am thankful that she trusted me to keep her kids all the time when they were little and stay countless nights in her home through my teen years.  Those nights and practicing loving and taking care of my niece and nephew helped me to become the mom I am today.  April has also been a great aunt to my babies.  She spoils them every time they visit.  Every kids needs an aunt like that!

However, God blessed me with another sister several years later when Chase married Ashley AKA "Ashes".  She has been such a blessing in my life.  She's so easy to talk with and is a great listener.  She's  extended grace and forgiveness to me in several instances where it was not deserved.  She's hot-tempered and sassy, but she has a heart of gold and is always there when I need her. She missed the births of both of the girls, but she made sure she was there with me for my last.  I'm very thankful for her love, support, and conversation through the labor with Crew and I'm thankful that she understood and respected my wish for the delivery to just be Brent and me. 
To both Ashley and April, thank you for being who you are and I am glad that God chose you to be my sisters!  I am grateful for you today!

Day 25: I am Thankful for Hair and Make Up Products.

I know this sounds very superficial, but it's true.  I am so thankful that no one except my family who has to love me with my normal hair and make up free face!!!!  The hair is by far the scariest part!  I am thankful that I can cover up some of my insecurities and imperfections with makeup and enhance my outward beauty to make myself feel more confident.  I am also VERY, VERY thankful for hair products because without them my hair is perfect for the 1980s.  It's HUGE!  I am thankful that with moose and gel I can choose to be lazy and wear my hair in tamed curls. With the help of a blow dryer and most importantly a straightener I can wear my hair straight.   Trust me, without these products, my friends would not be seen in public with me:).  As superficial as it is, I'm not afraid to admit that my confidence may not exist without these products so thank you Bare Minerals and who ever invented the straightener because I am forever in debt to you. 

(Yeah, you're not going to get a before and after here...NOT that brave!!)

Day 15: I'm Thankful for Danielle

As I mentioned just a few days ago, making and keeping friends has never been my forte, but today I want to express my thanks for my best friend Danielle Owens.

Rewind back to high school.  I can't say I ever hated this girl, but she was definitely not my favorite person.  She had never really done anything to me (except for date Brent that one time), and I didn't know her at all.  I just knew of her.  I just saw how she interacted with others and I thought she was just a big ole flirt and it drove me CRAZY.  Well, fast forward to now and I know this girl so well, and I now know that she isn't really a flirt...it's just who she is.  She just can't keep her hands off people (male or female...she doesn't discriminate).  However, this is one of the things that I have grown to really love about her.  She knows exactly when to come wrap her arms around you and squeeze tightly! 

Danielle and I have been good friends for about 7 years now as finding out we were both pregnant at the same time sort of brought us together.  We shared our experiences, fears, and first babies.  She even went to a doctor's appointment with me once, and I'm so thankful she was there to calm my nerves and fears.  I would have fallen to pieces without her there.  We shared a miscarriage at almost the same time.  Although it affected each of us differently we were there to support one another.  I got pregnant with Elli and sure enough she became pregnant too a short time later.  When I found out I was pregnant with Crew, I had to call and make sure she wasn't pregnant again too:). 

I am so thankful for Danielle's friendship.  I know that anything I need she will go above and beyond to be there for me.  She has stepped in and taken care of my kids so many times when I couldn't and most importantly without being asked.  She doesn't think twice about the stress and extra effort it will take, she just does it joyfully.  Some of you may be thinking, "well duh, Tonya, that's what friends do."  Well I now realize that this is exactly what real friends do.

I am thankful for Danielle's honesty.  She tells me when I'm wrong and calls me on it.  Although it stings at the time, I'm thankful that she holds me accountable.  She tells me when I distance myself so that I don't become a hermit again.  Although I know it's super uncomfortable, she tells me when my kids is being a brat to hers, and I appreciate her for making sure I know so I can discipline her accordingly.  Honesty is what keeps a friendship going.

I'm thankful that Danielle loves me despite my faults, pettiness, and bad days.  She has been such an awesome friend to me, and I hope that she can say the same for me.  I admire her for her will power and go get em' attitude.  I admire her carefree spirit, love for people, and independence.  She keeps me laughing, encourages me to be a better person, and gives the some of the most heartfelt hugs ever.  She is my "girl rock" when I'm falling apart.  I'm so thankful that God sent her my way, and I hope he'll keep her around for a really long time for me!

Danielle, thank you for being such a great friend to me.  I appreciate the many times that you have served me and my family.  Going out with you is always a blast so thanks for making me get out and go!  I love how you can walk into a room of people you don't know and not appear intimidated and effortlessly make it appear like you've known them forever.  Thanks for all your encouragement, love, and honesty over the years!  I hope that I can be as good of a friend to you as you have been to me!  I love you girlie and I appreciate Y-O-U! 

Day 14: I'm Thankful for Being Able to Stay Home with my Babies

My dream may not seem like a "dream" to many people, but it's one that has been in my heart for as long as I remember.  The only thing I've ever wanted to be was a mommy.  My dream is to have a house full of children who know, love, and serve Jesus.  My idea of being a mom, however differs from many and that's okay.  My ideal "mommy job" was to be with my kids as much as I possibly could, to witness their milestone, to kiss their boo boos, and be their number one fan. 

When we had Camryn, we were not in a place financially for me to stay at home (mainly b/c of our stupidity in purchasing a new car).  However, with Camryn's birthday being in March, I managed to only have to go back to work for 2 weeks and then I was out for the summer so I did get to be with her for 5 months before I really had to leave her for work.  When I did go back to work in August, I found myself wishing the day away so I could go home and spend time with her.  I hated having to stay late, and if we had a PTA meeting or event we had to go to, I always took her with me so I wouldn't miss out on anything else.  It was hard at times, but I still managed to get it all done and be happy about how I was doing it.

Well, then comes Elli.  Ellisyn was an October baby so I really only got to be with her for 2 full months thanks to Christmas break and my pregnancy sickness.  Going back was really tough after Elli because then I had to come home and split my time between school stuff, cooking, cleaning, my husband, and now two kids.  I'm exhausted and stressed just looking back on it.  Not only was it exhausting physically, but it drained me emotionally because all I really wanted to do was be with my babies.  I felt God telling me to trust him and not go back, but on paper I knew that just wouldn't work (according to me and my abilities that is).  So I decided to go back because we just couldn't afford for me to stay home...not with that STUPID car payment. Oh if I could turn back time!

My last year teaching was TERRIBLE with a capital T.  I went to school each day feeling defeated.  I had a tough class and particularly a tough student who made my job so difficult. I won't go on into detail because that would be a novel in and of itself, but little did I know that this was God showing me that I had made a mistake in not trusting him and being a stay at home mom.  Surprise, surprise, that would not be God's only reassurance that I should have indeed trusted him.  We found out we were expecting again in December, and my morning sickness ruled my life beginning in January.  God had taken matters into His own perfect hands and once again placed me on the path he had already paved before me. The path to His way and His ability.

With a horrible year teaching and a horrible pregnancy I heard God loud and clear, "You need to stay home with your kids because that's where you will make the biggest impact."  I am thankful that my husband has a steady job that can support our family, and I'm thankful for him getting up at the crack of dawn while we are all still in the bed to go to work so I can stay home.  I'm also thankful that he works in place where he can get overtime to pay for all the little extras we have.  I was also offered a part-time job at our church as the Ministry Assistant where I could bring my babies to work with me or even work from home when they're sick. With that said, we paid off that, you guessed it, STUPID car and cut the cable and made a new VERY tight budget.  Just FYI, our money still didn't add up on paper to cover us financially, but God has blessed us richly and we have always had enough to live comfortably and have never once done without what we have needed. 

I love staying home with my babies, and I feel like they have benefited from me focusing on just being mommy.  I love waking up in the morning and not dreading going to work because I feel like I am neglecting my family.  As much as I love staying home with the kids, I also love my job at OPC.  It provides a good out for me.  It doesn't leave me cooped up in the house all day or with the temptation of going and spending money that we don't need to spend.  I get out of the house and I can choose whether or not to take the kids with me. I can also choose to stay home with them if they're too sick without the fear of being criticized for putting my family first.  I am so thankful that although I did not get to witness all of Cam and Elli's firsts, I got to be right there with Crew for all of his.  That means so much to me and brings me so much joy.

I am thankful that God spoke loud and clear that as a mom my place is in the home doing life with my kids.  I may not get paid, receive a promotion, a corner office, teacher of the year, or any other recognition, but what I do receive is the sheer joy of watching my kids grow before my eyes, teaching them in the way they should go, and never having the regret of wishing I had soaked up every moment with them while they were small.  This my friends is the only reward I need in this life! So thank you first of all God for blessing me with this opportunity, Brent for supporting our family, and OPC for allowing me to be a part of your ministry so I can bring home some "bacon". 

Day 13: I'm Thankful for my Pastor and His Wife

One day behind...I'll take it! 

I've already mentioned being thankful for my church and my grow group, but neither of those would be the same without Mike and DeAnna Morris, my pastor and his wife.  These two individuals have invested so much into my life and the life of my family and for that I am oh so thankful.

Well, if you read about me being thankful for my church you already know that Mike stalked and followed us for a week to get us to come to church (just kidding! I'm thankful for his persistence).  I am thankful that he came to our house and invited us that day and has been an encourager ever since.  Shortly after we began attending OPC Brent and I hit a pretty rough patch in our marriage.  We had been married for 2 years and the "honey moon" was over so to speak.  Real life hit and it hit hard and this time we had a kid we were responsible for.  I honestly thought that our marriage was possibly going to end.  Brent contacted Mike, and he and DeAnna invited us into their home to offer us some help.  Their biblical words and advice saved our marriage. 

Mike has played such a big role into shaping my husband into the man of God he is today.  He has provided such a good example of how to be an authentic man of God.  He hasn't simply done this from the stage on Sunday mornings, but he created a relationship and has taken the time to get to know Brent personally.  That means a whole lot.  It's one thing to touch someone with your words, but it takes it to a whole new level when you touch someone with your words and actions.  I am thankful that Mike has encouraged and held Brent accountable for his actions and relationship with God. 

I am also thankful for Mike essentially giving me the desires of my heart.  Mike provided a way for me to be able to stay at home with my babies, at least most of the time anyways.  Mike knew my heart was at home with my family and he saw how going to teach each day was tough on me.  He offered me a part time job as his assistant where I could bring the kids to work with me (although that's proven to be a lot harder than I thought).  He's given me a job I love, at a place I love, and doing it unto the One I love, Jesus.  On that note, I want to say what an understanding and encouraging boss he has been to me.  He understands that life happens and kids get sick, and apparently spleens are ruptured (BY HIM), but he has never once made me feel guilty or reprimanded me for working from home, the hospital, or simply not working that day.  He has also came in himself to do my job in several cases so that I would not have to worry about work and instead focus on my family.  He also makes a point to show his appreciation for my hard work.   I am so grateful for his selflessness and friendship to me!

Now onto Mrs. DeAnna...This woman holds a very special place in my heart as I am sure she does in the heart of many.  I am so thankful for DeAnna being exactly who she is!  Not only is she super stylish (I seriously think she is the one who created pinterest and at least half of the posts on there), beautiful, and the queen of shoe shopping, but her inner beauty is even better than all of those combined.  I remember the first Bible study I ever attended that she was leading.  Her knowledge and love for God's word intimidated me, yet at the same time made me desire to have that same knowledge and love.  Upon getting to know her better, I realized that she was a real person just like me, and her story encouraged me to be the woman God has called me to be.  She has never once pretended to be someone she is not.  Her transparency and honesty have encouraged me.  I am thankful for DeAnna for leading some awesome women's Bible Study groups and cooking up some fabulous dinners.  I have learned so much from her and her life experiences.  I am grateful to DeAnna for investing in me by sending me encouraging cards, serving my family, leading our grow group, being my friend, loving on my kids, and making time to hang out.  Her friendship is a true blessing from my Heavenly Father.

Mike and DeAnna, you two have played an instrumental role in the woman I am today.  Thank you for being Godly examples for me to look up to.  You have taught me so much about God's word, life, and even about myself.  I am so thankful for all the time your invested in the life our family.  You are two of my earthly treasures and I feel so blessed to call you friends! 

Day 12: I'm Thankful for my Grow Group

Late again...It's called life with a sick kid and other priorities.  Anyways, here I go on day 12 of thankfulness and hopefully I'll get caught up and do Day 13 as well, but we'll see because today I have 2 sick babies.

When I was younger my brothers used to always tell me that I changed friends like I changed underwear because there was always someone different coming over or spending the night.  I wasn't a very nice person in middle school.  In all honesty, I was a completely ungrateful brat.  I had sweet friends and I was terrible to them, putting them down to make myself feel better about my own insecurities and I even went after boys knowing that my friends liked them.  I know that I was a terrible friend and I am ashamed to admit being that person.  You reap what you sow...That statement was so true in my life.  I was terrible to my friends so in a time when they were given the chance they turned on me and took the opportunity for revenge for all the hurt I had caused them.  I was bullied by the "popular" crowd.  My friends hated me and humiliated me on a daily basis.  My grades dropped and my "life" fell apart. 

I moved schools to escape the bullying. I found a friend who I grew to love deeply.  We did a lot together and it annoyed others at how much she praised me.  I thought we were bestfriends and I let my guard down, but again, I was betrayed, and sort of in the same light that I had betrayed my previous group of friends.  It hurt me deeply so from then on I never identified myself with just one group of people. I thought it was because I didn't want to be seen as stuck up, and I really did like things about each group I hung out with, but I can see now that it was just a defense mechanism.  If I didn't get too close, it wouldn't hurt later. Because of my drifter spirit when it came to friendships, I found it hard to "belong" and fit in with any group.  I enjoyed hanging out with my friends, but then I found myself insecure because I was never the "bestfriend" of anyone. 

My freshman year of college was much the same.  I hung out with several crowds and never identified fully with any so therefore no really close friendships were developed.  I was a hermit my sophomore and junior year and didn't try to make any friends.  I had been hurt both times I really opened up and made myself vulnerable and I didn't want to go there again so it was just easier to do it alone.  It may have been "easier," but I can see how I missed out.  The good news is that life continued and God has poured out his grace on my life and given me another shot at this friendship thing.

I can say today that I love my friends and cannot imagine doing life without them.  God brought me this special group of friends through his bride, the church.  The bestfriends I have ever had come together each and every Friday night to hang out and study God's word.  They have taught me that friendship is something to be treasured and it's a safe haven.  They have shown me that I can be exactly who I am without fear of judgement or someone spilling my struggles to the whole world.  They have proven that real friends really do exist and for that I am so thankful. I am thankful that I know that no matter the time of day, if I need them, they are indeed just a phone call away and waiting to joyfully serve me at whatever capacity.

To my grow group. I love each one of you deeply and I am so thankful that God has brought you into my life.  Thank you so much for accepting me for who I am and loving me anyways.  Thank you for holding me accountable to God's word and helping me to grow.  Thank you for serving our family throughout the many losses we've experienced together.  Thank you for praying for me and helping us through my pregnancies.  Thank you for keeping our kids and loving them as if they were your own.  You guys have enriched my life so much more than you'll ever realize.  You are really more like family to me, except I got to pick you:)!  I love you DeAnna, Andi, Michael, Miriam, Alivia, Erick, Miranda, Baileigh, Bentley, Danielle, Taylor, Titus, Chris, Beth, Chloe, Alex, Kylee, Matt, and Paula. I can't forget those who have moved away to do God's work in Greensboro....Tommy, Jessie, Jason, and Liz, you too are included in this day of thankfulness and are loved and missed.  Today, I give my thanks for you!