Me too, girl, but I can't seem to clock out. Can you?
I had an error in judgement when posting my blog about my Walmart experience today. I should have at least waited a day or two and went back and edited after the emotions died down, or at least on a better day. So for all of you who took the time to read all of my blog, I'm sorry for posting those raw emotions for the world to see. I also did not realize that it could be viewed as a form of personal attack or social vengeance on the cashier. That's not me! That's not what I'm about! Any snarly comments or remarks were added for humor not as a form of attack, well maybe against Walmart itself, in all honesty:) One day I will learn that no amount of savings is worth a trip there! The lady was clearly not having a good day, and I completely identified with her because I wasn't either. I do not know what she may have encountered before or after she clocked in, but what I felt led to share is the effect our words, actions, and gestures in the midst of our bad days can have on others. Her words today were used as a tool to send me on a dark, downward spiral starting with my response, writing the blog in frustration, posting it on social media, and eventually using my words as ammunition against myself and leaving others to question my motives and heart and being down in the dumps and ill. Not my intent at all, but perception and intent are two totally different things, and I failed to think through how my words would be perceived by others. Lesson learned!
The blog was simply a way to release my anger and play through what happened and learn from it. Walmart is truly what angered me. The lady's comment reprimanding the child that was with me just threw me over the edge. That's real life. We all get pushed to our limits.That's was I was trying to say...our words and actions can be life giving or life taking. My experience was simply an example that many mom's can identify with and how even though I love Jesus and seek Him daily, I too, fall short...each and every day. Some may look to me and think my life is perfect and that I have it all together, and I don't want my Facebook facade to deter anyone from thinking that they could never measure up and be a "good Christian girl" like me. I want people to see me as the beautiful mess I am. I want them to see that I struggle, fall short, make mistakes, and my kids misbehave. I am DESPERATELY in need of God's grace...DAILY! We ALL sin and fall short of the glory of God and that includes ME! It's much easier to identify with people who are real and don't pretend to be perfect. I'll admit I didn't prayerfully post this article, but as I wrote I did see what God was leading to say to moms and the public in general. Cut people a break, offer to help, smile at everyone, say hi, don't explode in your moment of weakness. It was clearly not the cashier's fault that Walmart doesn't have enough people running registers, doesn't have 3 seater buggies, or that I had to grocery shop with 3 children in tow, and I think she probably felt bad for saying something to the child after my matter-of-fact, less than gracious, but not quite rude response. I'm sorry that I was not more graceful with her because of my high stress level, irritation, and impatience. I wish I could do it over, but I can't. What I can do though is to ask someone I trust to edit emotional pieces of writing for me so that anything that could be taken out of context can be fixed and most importantly, I can take my own advice and offer grace in the midst of my stress.
So, friends, can you do that for me today? Can you extend grace and forgiveness for my lapse in judgment? I do not want any of you to view me as a social media personal attacker. I promise that I'm not one of those, nor do I agree with social media attacks and/or debates because I think they divide us more and sow seeds of bitterness and anger.
To the cashier, if you're reading, I'm sorry I was less than gracious. I'm sorry for whatever caused your bad day. Most of all, I'm sorry if you felt attacked or belittled by my previous post. I probably won't see you in Walmart again, but if you ever go to work at Target, I will try and remember to show grace, even in the tough times.
Your Friend,
Physically, Emotionally, Spiritually, and Mentally Drained No Longer Diva Mommy of 3
P.S. If you didn't read my previous blog, good! I've taken it down.
