Yep, punched in the gut! Here we are on our path to freedom from debt by the end of year, but, instead, we are faced with the reality of being without our primary source of income by December. Definitely not the way I would choose to begin my Tuesday. Many thoughts and emotions have went through my mind since 8 am. I've had the why me, why now, feeling sorry for myself episodes as most people would have, but even in the midst of those episodes, God's word, truth, and promises were brought to the forefront of my mind. Even as far as I would try to push them away in an effort to vast in my own misery for a few more moments, more verses just kept creeping up. Soon, His word and truth overcame my negative thoughts that were centered around myself and my family and our needs and focused me on Him and His goodness, love, compassion, and mighty power instead of myself.
Now, I am at a point of feeling like a spoiled brat for complaining about a job in comparison to the many blessings I have. I'm especially feeling pretty guilty for questioning God, the creator of the universe, as to why this is happening. Now I'm at a point where I'm crying tears of shame and repentance. It wasn't until I saw my pastor's response to the loss of Brent's job that those tears turned from shameful tears to tears of joy and I was overwhelmed with God's goodness, and His big picture plan. His words were simply, "Exciting news! Watch what God does now." You may be wondering why someone would call the loss of a job exciting news so I'll tell you why...We have been waiting on God's direction for Brent's career. He's been applying here in there to open positions that fit his line of work, and there have been some promising call backs, but nothing has fallen into place for him. That tells me that God is kicking him out of his current position, literally, and He has something so much better than we had envisioned for his career path. I don't know what it is, but I do know that I can trust God to put all the pieces together.
I can't sit here and say that I'm not anxious or scared of the uncertainty we are facing because I am, but what I can say is that when I look back on the past year of my life, I can see where God was preparing us for this storm. Never have I ever been more hungry for the word of God as I have been this past year, and I gained so much wisdom through my studies and I long for more of it each day. Brent has grown so much spiritually over the past few years into an incredible man of God. God has equipped the both of us with His mighty word. He has surrounded us by an incredible body of believers who seek to serve at any capacity and who uplift us in prayer. He has provided for our every need and we have never done without the necessities of life. We have been blessed beyond anything we could ever deserve.
As I sat there and cried my tears of anger, frustration, shame, and joy, I imagined what God was feeling in those moments as he looked down on me, His beloved child, hurting and I could feel him hurting with me, catching my tears, and holding each one I shed in His mighty hand and I felt the most loved I have ever felt in my entire life. The same God who was there in the beginning, the one who created the world and everything in it, the one who will have all bow down and worship Him was there catching my tears and reminding me that "He who began a good work in me, will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
Satan doesn't like it when we seek and believe God for His word and promises and truth, and I know there is an incredible amount of spiritual warfare going on all around us right now, but I need not fear because MY GOD has overcome the world! He will NEVER leave me or forsake me. He is the same today, yesterday, and tomorrow. He is upholding me with His righteous right hand. His ways are pleasant and His paths are peace. He is able to do way more than I could ever ask, seek, or imagine. He is mighty to save! He strengthens, equips, prepares, and carries us through the hard times. God, get ready because I'm riding piggy back on this adventure!
Here's a song that always resonates with my heart during the storms of this life...
"There will be an end to these troubles, but until that day comes, still I will praise you!"
