Day 14: I'm Thankful for Being Able to Stay Home with my Babies

My dream may not seem like a "dream" to many people, but it's one that has been in my heart for as long as I remember.  The only thing I've ever wanted to be was a mommy.  My dream is to have a house full of children who know, love, and serve Jesus.  My idea of being a mom, however differs from many and that's okay.  My ideal "mommy job" was to be with my kids as much as I possibly could, to witness their milestone, to kiss their boo boos, and be their number one fan. 

When we had Camryn, we were not in a place financially for me to stay at home (mainly b/c of our stupidity in purchasing a new car).  However, with Camryn's birthday being in March, I managed to only have to go back to work for 2 weeks and then I was out for the summer so I did get to be with her for 5 months before I really had to leave her for work.  When I did go back to work in August, I found myself wishing the day away so I could go home and spend time with her.  I hated having to stay late, and if we had a PTA meeting or event we had to go to, I always took her with me so I wouldn't miss out on anything else.  It was hard at times, but I still managed to get it all done and be happy about how I was doing it.

Well, then comes Elli.  Ellisyn was an October baby so I really only got to be with her for 2 full months thanks to Christmas break and my pregnancy sickness.  Going back was really tough after Elli because then I had to come home and split my time between school stuff, cooking, cleaning, my husband, and now two kids.  I'm exhausted and stressed just looking back on it.  Not only was it exhausting physically, but it drained me emotionally because all I really wanted to do was be with my babies.  I felt God telling me to trust him and not go back, but on paper I knew that just wouldn't work (according to me and my abilities that is).  So I decided to go back because we just couldn't afford for me to stay home...not with that STUPID car payment. Oh if I could turn back time!

My last year teaching was TERRIBLE with a capital T.  I went to school each day feeling defeated.  I had a tough class and particularly a tough student who made my job so difficult. I won't go on into detail because that would be a novel in and of itself, but little did I know that this was God showing me that I had made a mistake in not trusting him and being a stay at home mom.  Surprise, surprise, that would not be God's only reassurance that I should have indeed trusted him.  We found out we were expecting again in December, and my morning sickness ruled my life beginning in January.  God had taken matters into His own perfect hands and once again placed me on the path he had already paved before me. The path to His way and His ability.

With a horrible year teaching and a horrible pregnancy I heard God loud and clear, "You need to stay home with your kids because that's where you will make the biggest impact."  I am thankful that my husband has a steady job that can support our family, and I'm thankful for him getting up at the crack of dawn while we are all still in the bed to go to work so I can stay home.  I'm also thankful that he works in place where he can get overtime to pay for all the little extras we have.  I was also offered a part-time job at our church as the Ministry Assistant where I could bring my babies to work with me or even work from home when they're sick. With that said, we paid off that, you guessed it, STUPID car and cut the cable and made a new VERY tight budget.  Just FYI, our money still didn't add up on paper to cover us financially, but God has blessed us richly and we have always had enough to live comfortably and have never once done without what we have needed. 

I love staying home with my babies, and I feel like they have benefited from me focusing on just being mommy.  I love waking up in the morning and not dreading going to work because I feel like I am neglecting my family.  As much as I love staying home with the kids, I also love my job at OPC.  It provides a good out for me.  It doesn't leave me cooped up in the house all day or with the temptation of going and spending money that we don't need to spend.  I get out of the house and I can choose whether or not to take the kids with me. I can also choose to stay home with them if they're too sick without the fear of being criticized for putting my family first.  I am so thankful that although I did not get to witness all of Cam and Elli's firsts, I got to be right there with Crew for all of his.  That means so much to me and brings me so much joy.

I am thankful that God spoke loud and clear that as a mom my place is in the home doing life with my kids.  I may not get paid, receive a promotion, a corner office, teacher of the year, or any other recognition, but what I do receive is the sheer joy of watching my kids grow before my eyes, teaching them in the way they should go, and never having the regret of wishing I had soaked up every moment with them while they were small.  This my friends is the only reward I need in this life! So thank you first of all God for blessing me with this opportunity, Brent for supporting our family, and OPC for allowing me to be a part of your ministry so I can bring home some "bacon". 

Day 13: I'm Thankful for my Pastor and His Wife

One day behind...I'll take it! 

I've already mentioned being thankful for my church and my grow group, but neither of those would be the same without Mike and DeAnna Morris, my pastor and his wife.  These two individuals have invested so much into my life and the life of my family and for that I am oh so thankful.

Well, if you read about me being thankful for my church you already know that Mike stalked and followed us for a week to get us to come to church (just kidding! I'm thankful for his persistence).  I am thankful that he came to our house and invited us that day and has been an encourager ever since.  Shortly after we began attending OPC Brent and I hit a pretty rough patch in our marriage.  We had been married for 2 years and the "honey moon" was over so to speak.  Real life hit and it hit hard and this time we had a kid we were responsible for.  I honestly thought that our marriage was possibly going to end.  Brent contacted Mike, and he and DeAnna invited us into their home to offer us some help.  Their biblical words and advice saved our marriage. 

Mike has played such a big role into shaping my husband into the man of God he is today.  He has provided such a good example of how to be an authentic man of God.  He hasn't simply done this from the stage on Sunday mornings, but he created a relationship and has taken the time to get to know Brent personally.  That means a whole lot.  It's one thing to touch someone with your words, but it takes it to a whole new level when you touch someone with your words and actions.  I am thankful that Mike has encouraged and held Brent accountable for his actions and relationship with God. 

I am also thankful for Mike essentially giving me the desires of my heart.  Mike provided a way for me to be able to stay at home with my babies, at least most of the time anyways.  Mike knew my heart was at home with my family and he saw how going to teach each day was tough on me.  He offered me a part time job as his assistant where I could bring the kids to work with me (although that's proven to be a lot harder than I thought).  He's given me a job I love, at a place I love, and doing it unto the One I love, Jesus.  On that note, I want to say what an understanding and encouraging boss he has been to me.  He understands that life happens and kids get sick, and apparently spleens are ruptured (BY HIM), but he has never once made me feel guilty or reprimanded me for working from home, the hospital, or simply not working that day.  He has also came in himself to do my job in several cases so that I would not have to worry about work and instead focus on my family.  He also makes a point to show his appreciation for my hard work.   I am so grateful for his selflessness and friendship to me!

Now onto Mrs. DeAnna...This woman holds a very special place in my heart as I am sure she does in the heart of many.  I am so thankful for DeAnna being exactly who she is!  Not only is she super stylish (I seriously think she is the one who created pinterest and at least half of the posts on there), beautiful, and the queen of shoe shopping, but her inner beauty is even better than all of those combined.  I remember the first Bible study I ever attended that she was leading.  Her knowledge and love for God's word intimidated me, yet at the same time made me desire to have that same knowledge and love.  Upon getting to know her better, I realized that she was a real person just like me, and her story encouraged me to be the woman God has called me to be.  She has never once pretended to be someone she is not.  Her transparency and honesty have encouraged me.  I am thankful for DeAnna for leading some awesome women's Bible Study groups and cooking up some fabulous dinners.  I have learned so much from her and her life experiences.  I am grateful to DeAnna for investing in me by sending me encouraging cards, serving my family, leading our grow group, being my friend, loving on my kids, and making time to hang out.  Her friendship is a true blessing from my Heavenly Father.

Mike and DeAnna, you two have played an instrumental role in the woman I am today.  Thank you for being Godly examples for me to look up to.  You have taught me so much about God's word, life, and even about myself.  I am so thankful for all the time your invested in the life our family.  You are two of my earthly treasures and I feel so blessed to call you friends! 

Day 12: I'm Thankful for my Grow Group

Late again...It's called life with a sick kid and other priorities.  Anyways, here I go on day 12 of thankfulness and hopefully I'll get caught up and do Day 13 as well, but we'll see because today I have 2 sick babies.

When I was younger my brothers used to always tell me that I changed friends like I changed underwear because there was always someone different coming over or spending the night.  I wasn't a very nice person in middle school.  In all honesty, I was a completely ungrateful brat.  I had sweet friends and I was terrible to them, putting them down to make myself feel better about my own insecurities and I even went after boys knowing that my friends liked them.  I know that I was a terrible friend and I am ashamed to admit being that person.  You reap what you sow...That statement was so true in my life.  I was terrible to my friends so in a time when they were given the chance they turned on me and took the opportunity for revenge for all the hurt I had caused them.  I was bullied by the "popular" crowd.  My friends hated me and humiliated me on a daily basis.  My grades dropped and my "life" fell apart. 

I moved schools to escape the bullying. I found a friend who I grew to love deeply.  We did a lot together and it annoyed others at how much she praised me.  I thought we were bestfriends and I let my guard down, but again, I was betrayed, and sort of in the same light that I had betrayed my previous group of friends.  It hurt me deeply so from then on I never identified myself with just one group of people. I thought it was because I didn't want to be seen as stuck up, and I really did like things about each group I hung out with, but I can see now that it was just a defense mechanism.  If I didn't get too close, it wouldn't hurt later. Because of my drifter spirit when it came to friendships, I found it hard to "belong" and fit in with any group.  I enjoyed hanging out with my friends, but then I found myself insecure because I was never the "bestfriend" of anyone. 

My freshman year of college was much the same.  I hung out with several crowds and never identified fully with any so therefore no really close friendships were developed.  I was a hermit my sophomore and junior year and didn't try to make any friends.  I had been hurt both times I really opened up and made myself vulnerable and I didn't want to go there again so it was just easier to do it alone.  It may have been "easier," but I can see how I missed out.  The good news is that life continued and God has poured out his grace on my life and given me another shot at this friendship thing.

I can say today that I love my friends and cannot imagine doing life without them.  God brought me this special group of friends through his bride, the church.  The bestfriends I have ever had come together each and every Friday night to hang out and study God's word.  They have taught me that friendship is something to be treasured and it's a safe haven.  They have shown me that I can be exactly who I am without fear of judgement or someone spilling my struggles to the whole world.  They have proven that real friends really do exist and for that I am so thankful. I am thankful that I know that no matter the time of day, if I need them, they are indeed just a phone call away and waiting to joyfully serve me at whatever capacity.

To my grow group. I love each one of you deeply and I am so thankful that God has brought you into my life.  Thank you so much for accepting me for who I am and loving me anyways.  Thank you for holding me accountable to God's word and helping me to grow.  Thank you for serving our family throughout the many losses we've experienced together.  Thank you for praying for me and helping us through my pregnancies.  Thank you for keeping our kids and loving them as if they were your own.  You guys have enriched my life so much more than you'll ever realize.  You are really more like family to me, except I got to pick you:)!  I love you DeAnna, Andi, Michael, Miriam, Alivia, Erick, Miranda, Baileigh, Bentley, Danielle, Taylor, Titus, Chris, Beth, Chloe, Alex, Kylee, Matt, and Paula. I can't forget those who have moved away to do God's work in Greensboro....Tommy, Jessie, Jason, and Liz, you too are included in this day of thankfulness and are loved and missed.  Today, I give my thanks for you!

Day 11: I'm thankful for my Church

I firmly believe that people spend their lives just looking for somewhere to belong.  We all want to feel wanted and needed by people who have things in common with us.  Sure we have family, but we all know that every family has its own drama.  Church is a place where you should feel like you belong.

That was not always the case for me.  I began my "church going" with my grandma at her home church.  It was a great place, but it was mostly elderly people and the few younger folks just never reached out to get me involved and make me feel valued.  Now I'm not saying that I really reached out either because I just came in for preaching and left out right after it was over. I just don't think that's where God intended for me to call home.  Brent and I "looked" for a church aka we tried one.  We began to go to Marathon right after we got married.  I loved the music and the Sunday service, but I remember feeling self-conscious and just not comfortable.  It was so big that I found it hard to find my place so we eventually stopped attending and were out of church for almost a year.  We moved and claimed we were going to start "looking" again, but we never did.  I was pregnant with Camryn and told Brent that my children would be raised in church because I was not and I wanted better for my kids.  We kept putting it off each Sunday.  It's funny how well God knows us.  He knew that we weren't going to get our butts into gear so he brought the church to us.  The week Camryn was born Mike Morris stopped by our house and invited us to come to Oak Pointe Chruch's Easter kick off service at Woodmont High School.  It was a new church plant.  He left and I said, "We will NOT go to church for the first time on Easter Sunday....Only THOSE people do that!"  Well, we were out house hunting the very next week and who did we run into AGAIN? That's right Mike and again he invited us to come to church on Easter.  Umm No!!  I remember telling Brent, "We will not go on Easter, but we will go the next Sunday." God knew I was too insecure to put myself out there and try a new church so he reassured me twice that we would feel welcome at this one.

Sure enough we went to church when Camryn was 2 1/2 weeks old for the first time, and we've only missed a few Sundays in the past 6 1/2 years.  Now I'm not saying we went and were immediately involved.  That took some time, but we were made to feel very welcomed when we attended that first Sunday.  We sat on the back row until they started putting the curtains up so that we would have to move closer.  It took us about a year and several invites later to get involved in a small group.  We attended the membership class and learned more about OPC and the mission and vision of the church and knew that this was right where God wanted us to be...worshiping and serving with "Real People with Real Issues"...just like us!  We were challenged to join a grow group, serve, and give. Brent and I were baptized at OPC and have grown exponentially in our relationship with God. All three of our children were dedicated to the Lord at OPC. We have developed so many special friendships that feel more like family that we will forever cherish.

I'm thankful to be at a church where I belong and I am needed.  I'm thankful to be at a church where I am encouraged to grow with a community to believers who are striving to follow the path God has set before them.  I am thankful to be at a church that serves and gives.  OPC is all about Loving God and Loving People, and this is clear when you see the volunteers joyfully serving in their roles.  I'm thankful to walk into church on Sunday morning and getting hugs and smiles all around.  I love the people, the purpose, and the message of Jesus represented with OPC. I'm thankful that God has placed me in a church where I can use my talents and gifts to further His kingdom.  I'm thankful also for the love, support, and compassion that OPC has extended to my family over the past 6 1/2 years.  I am OPC!

Day 10: I'm Thankful for my In Laws

I knew it would happen...I missed a day of thankfulness, but hey that's life. Instead of writing a blog, I sat and enjoyed a movie and popcorn with the family, and it was well worth being late!  Today I express my thankfulness for my in-laws. I'm am most thankful to my in-laws for creating the incredible man that I get to call my husband.  Chris and Kelli have been very good to me. 

I am very thankful for Chris for always giving sound advice.  This man is such an intelligent individual and has a great understanding of life.  He's one of those people who is always right to the point to where it makes you roll your eyes.  He's one of those people you don't ask for advice when you know what you're doing is not the right decision you should make because you know what he will say.  I am also very thankful for all the times he has saved the day.  Not only is he a smart man, but he's also a great handy man.  He's rescued us from broken down cars and fixed countless things around our house.  I am also very thankful that he's willing to help my family when they need him.  These things he has done for us have saved us tons of money, time, and effort, but they're not what makes me most happy.  What makes me most thankful is how he drops what he's working on when our kids go over to see him just so he can push them on the swing or take them for a ride on the golf cart.  He's a great Pop-Pop to our babies and I'm forever grateful for that!

My mother-in-law Kelli has done so much for us as well.  She helped me plan the wedding, took my bridal photos, and even planned and paid for the reception.  She even came over while we were on our honeymoon to clean and reorganize our apartment so we could come home to a stress-free place.  That was oh so nice! I am thankful that she took care of Brent after his knee surgery so that I could work to pay the bills.  I am so thankful that she was able to take care of Camryn for us for the first 3 years of her life.  That time and love could not be replaced.  I'm thankful for all the times she has kept our children for us to work and to get the occasional date night.  She is also awesome enough to order extra Bare Minerals make up so that she can share with me!  It's like Christmas every 3 months when she gets her make up in.  I am thankful for her always inviting my parents to celebrate Thanksgiving with her family each year.  I am thankful that she makes sure Christmas is always special, not just with gifts but with tradition.  Kelli has done so much for us over the years, and I'm incredibly grateful for her!

I have great in-laws who are willing to step in and help when they're needed.  I know that I can pick up the phone anytime to call them, and one of them would be there.  That's a great feeling that can't be bought.  Thank you for all you have done for us...You are appreciated and loved!

Day 9: I'm Thankful for my Grandma

Grandparents are special people, but my Grandma is one of the most special people I know.  I'm convinced that Grandmas do not get any better than the one I call mine!  She is a woman who I admire for so many reasons.  I am most thankful for my grandma being my example of a Godly woman.  She is the one who encouraged me to come to church and taught me the foundations of my faith.  Her life planted the seed of faith in mine.  She taught me the most important thing that I could ever learn in my life.  It's the thing I cherish and cling to on a daily basis...It's Jesus!

I'm thankful for my grandma's heart for service.  She kept me everyday during the summers and anytime I was too sick to go to school while my parents worked. There are so many fond memories that I have from those summers and sick days (if that's possible).  My grandma knew exactly how to make me feel special and treasured and she took the initiative to learn them through the different stages in my life.  When I was young, she would have me a waffle made and ready for me when I arrived every morning.  As I got a little older and wanted to sleep in, she would have me a pillow and blanket waiting on the couch and would ensure that the house was quiet so I could sleep for a little while longer, and having a waffle waiting on me when I woke up.  There were always pizzas and ice cream in the freezer for me, but I never had to fix them myself. I also remember as a child going to many elderly people's homes so that my grandma could visit and/or take care of them.  She never asked for or received anything but the joy of helping others for her services. Whether it was a family member, a neighbor, or friend, she helped where needed. I'm thankful that she gave me that example and to challenge me to serve.

I'm thankful that my grandma allowed me to be a kid.  She didn't expect me to sit still and be quiet.  She was perfectly okay with me being loud, active, and wild.  I was free to be me.  I'm thankful that although there was plenty of chores that she could have gotten us to help with (cooking, cleaning, laundry, gardening, etc.) she just wanted us to play and have fun.  I'm thankful that she was a grandma in every sense of the word.  She spoiled me and did not discipline me (I respected her because she was so good to me).  She created a friendship that has lasted the last 29 years and grown stronger each day.

I'm thankful for my grandma's cooking.  She was a wonderful cook and an even better baker.  She loved to do it too.  Asking her to cook your favorite dish was like giving her an extravagant gift.  I'm thankful for all the Sunday lunches that she cooked for Brent and I throughout our dating years.  I'm thankful that she wanted to spend that time with us.
 
I'm thankful that my grandma is 87 years old, and I have gotten to experience the past 29 of those years with her. I'm thankful for our little outings that we take together to K-Mart and K&S.  I enjoy just being in her presence.  Most recently, I'm thankful that she was able to take a trip to Texas with us this summer.  So many memories were made that I will treasure forever.  My kids were able to experience their great grandma for a week and Brent was able to argue with her the entire way:).  I'm thankful that all three of my kids have had the opportunity to meet and adore their great grandma.  I'm thankful that when Crew sees her, he immediately dives into her loving arms.  Kids are a great judge of character and in this case, he's exactly right...how could you not be crazy about this special lady?!!!

My grandma is one of my best friends. She's often my voice of reason and sound advice. She's had more of an impact on my life than she would ever imagine or take credit for. She says that she going to live to the ripe old age of 94, but the truth is that her life will far surpass 94 years.  Her memory will forever live in my heart! I am so thankful that God allowed me to be my grandma's granddaughter!  I love you Grandma!

Day 8: I am Thankful for my Brothers

My thankfulness today is in honor to November 8th, one of my brother's birthday.  Happy birthday Chris!  Because today is the day of your birth some 40 years ago (okay I'm just kidding he's only____...I won't tell!), I want to express my thankfulness to you and Scott. Allow me to begin with a story.

Once upon a time there was a sweet, perfect, innocent little girl named Tonya.  She was the youngest and the only girl.  Her older brothers found their joy in making her miserable, making her cry, grossing her out, and annoying her to the point of insanity. Their favorite thing to do was hold her down and say, "bu, bu, bu,bu, bu, bubububu" right in her face.  This made her furious, but her mom never believed that they were picking on her.  Okay, Okay, you got me...Maybe I did bring SOME of it on myself, but the rest was totally their sinful nature:).  Through all the bad times when they made me crazy, I also have so many good times to be thankful to remember.

Growing up my brothers shared a room and we had a bathroom that connected our rooms.  I remember many days of building race car tracks out of crayons and having races in that bathroom. We loved playing zoo in their room because they had bunk beds which were perfect for a lion cage.  There weren't many, if any times, we played girl stuff, but I'm so thankful my brothers brought out the Tom Boy in me.  I'm thankful that my oldest brother Scott would let me come get on his top bunk every morning when I woke up early.  I still remember the panic I felt when I went to lay down with him one morning when I was little and he wasn't there.  He had ran away.  I was terrified and heartbroken and all I wanted was my big brother back.  I loved my big brother!

I don't really have too many young memories of Scott because he's nine years older than me and I'm sure he was way too cool to be letting his little sister cramp his style.  I do, however, remember Scott as a young adult.  I remember him always making sure I had a Christmas present from him under the tree every year (my favorite being that skating Barbie and Ken).  There were years when I know money was tight, but he was always sure to get me something just to make me feel important.  I am thankful for his thoughtfulness!  Because he was so much older than me, we've always had this unspoken bond.  I am the probably the only person in the world that Scott cannot stay mad at.  I can say things to him that would guarantee someone else a bloody nose, but he loves me still.  We may not be super close or talk very often, but we know that without a doubt our love for each other is always very present.  I would never doubt for one second that if I picked up the phone to call Scott for anything that he wouldn't break his neck to meet my need.  I'm thankful for that confidence in his love for me!

Chris and I fought constantly as kids.  I really thought he hated me.  That was until he proved his love for me.  Our neighbor's friend was over and she was being a bully to me.  Chris certainly did not appreciate anyone being mean to me except him so when she wouldn't leave me alone, he punched her in the nose.  Yes, he did get in trouble for hitting a girl, but he's been my hero ever since.  Except that one time he broke my finger trying to jump a bike ramp with me on the back or the time he "worked" on my bike and from then on, you could only pedal it backwards.  I tattled on him for everything he did and I'm so thankful he doesn't hate me for it now!  I was such a brat as a kid! I'm thankful that while Chris may not have shown his love for me as Scott did, he made me tough.

I've said this before on several occasions, but I'll share it again.  Both Scott and Chris led a rebellious youth and ran away from home on a weekly basis (okay that is an exaggeration), but Chris was the king of the runaway club.  They made many bad choices, and I was well aware of their lifestyles.  Both of them would lecture me on not being like them and taking the path they did.  I truly believe that if they would not have made the mistakes they made in their lives, that I may not be where I am today.  After all, they made all the mistakes so I didn't have to...They lived, and I learned!  In all seriousness, I knew that making the same mistakes would have disappointed them because they wanted better for me.  I am who I am and the things I have accomplished in my life were directly affected by the influence, love, and guidance of my brothers.

Today I give thanks for my brothers.  As different as they are, as many times as we disagree, and as much as they have annoyed me in my life, I love them both very much.  I'm thankful that I have two kind-hearted, hard working men to call my brothers.  I'm thankful for them fixing my cars, changing my oil, installing my flooring, and always being there when I call.  I'm thankful that my kids adore both of their uncles and that they both take the time to play with them and show them special attention.  I am honored to be called your sister! I love you both!