Happy 9th Wedding Anniversary to my "Boo Thang"

I was pretty disappointed that I had the dreaded stomach virus on our 9th anniversary yesterday, but it did allow me to just lay around and think about how incredibly blessed I am.  I didn't get to go out and buy that perfect anniversary gift that I wanted to get, but in the end that "stuff" doesn't really matter at all.  What I have found that truly matters are the words, memories, and experiences that encompass these past nine years.  I'm not going to sugar coat it or pretend that it's been all sunshine and rainbows because if you know us, you KNOW without a doubt that would be a HUGE lie!  These past nine years as husband and wife may not have been easy and not always enjoyable, but they have shaped who we are both individually and as a couple.

Those words are easy to say, but yesterday I was really struggling with not having anything (even though we're not ones who give/receive extravagant gifts) to give Brent to say thank you and I love you.  This morning as I was listening to Pandora "If I Ain't Got You" played and the words made so much sense to me.

Through these nine years we have had many instances where we had to do without the things we wanted, skip vacations, cut the cable, tell our children no to things they want, and not give the gifts we want to give to one another and our family.  I know I have, many times, looked around and saw our friends going and doing and buying and felt envious.  Brent, I've wished we could go on that cruise, buy that big house, and even as simple as go on a date, but no matter how many vacations, dates, and how many square feet our home could be, if they meant not having you, I would choose you every single time! 

According to the American world view we don't have much.  We don't often splurge and enjoy the luxuries of life.  We cook at home because eating out with a family of five is ridiculously expensive.  We live in a home where we often feel crammed together and like we're bursting at the seams.  By worldly standards we'd be labeled as "poor" (not the homeless kind but the bless their heart kind), but, world, listen up because I want to tell you that we are not, nor will we ever be poor!  We may not have money, fame, or fancy things, but one thing we do have is love, REAL love. The kind of love that could never be bought with any amount of money, the kind of love that is not earned or deserved, but given freely, the kind of love that sacrifices the things we want and enjoy so someone else can be filled with joy, the kind of love that forgives the "unforgivable", the kind of love that I NEVER want to be without, and that is the love of Jesus!  My husband doesn't just love me because he wants to because I know there are days when he doesn't feel like loving me, but he loves me because that's what God commanded him to do.  Ephesians 5:25 says, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." He loves me with an Agape love.  He loves me as Christ loves His bride, the church (you and me). 

They say you can't "live on love," but I beg to differ.  Love is the only reason I am truly alive.  God's love for me is what gave Him the strength to send His son into the fallen world to be ridiculed, tortured, and hung on a cross before His very eyes so that I (and you) could live.  Maybe you can't buy things with love, but I'm going to side with Alan Jackson on this one, "love can walk through fire without blinking. It doesn't take much when you get enough...living on love."  My heart is so full and my life is so joyful because of the man God knit together in his mother's womb and designed especially with me in mind for me to be his suitable helper.  He knew that "in this life there would be trouble," but He also knew that my husband would choose to be obedient to His command to love me wholeheartedly, sacrificially, and with everything he has.

 Brent, from the moment I met you playing backyard baseball at Alton's house I knew there was something different, intriguing, and special about you.  On our wedding day I thought I loved you more than I ever could, but the truth is as we grow and do life together on a daily basis, my love for you multiplies and consumes me more and more each day.   You are my gift from God on this side of eternity, made specifically for me so thank you for loving me so well.  There's never a doubt in my mind on any given day, good or bad, whether you still love me because you have told me and shown me every single day for the past 9+ years.  I hope you know how precious you are to me, and how proud I am to call you my "Boo Thang FO EVA".  Happy Anniversary Babe...Here's to many, many more!

Certainty Amongst Uncertain Times

Today was a typical Tuesday for me...Get up, get Camryn ready for school, drink my coffee, and do my Bible Study.  Sounds pretty good right? Well, that all fell apart when I hear someone at the door right around 8 am. I was quite alarmed because Camryn should be at school by now. Then, a key slides into the key hole. The door opens, and there stands my husband Brent.  "Why aren't you at work?" (me) "Well, they sent me home." (Brent) "Why?" (me) "You know that meeting we were supposed to have the other week? Well, we had it...Our facility is closing." (Brent)

Yep, punched in the gut!  Here we are on our path to freedom from debt by the end of year, but, instead, we are faced with the reality of being without our primary source of  income by December.  Definitely not the way I would choose to begin my Tuesday.  Many thoughts and emotions have went through my mind since 8 am.  I've had the why me, why now, feeling sorry for myself episodes as most people would have, but even in the midst of those episodes, God's word, truth, and promises were brought to the forefront of my mind.  Even as far as I would try to push them away in an effort to vast in my own misery for a few more moments, more verses just kept creeping up.  Soon, His word and truth overcame my negative thoughts that were centered around myself and my family and our needs and focused me on Him and His goodness, love, compassion, and mighty power instead of myself.

Now, I am at a point of feeling like a spoiled brat for complaining about a job in comparison to the many blessings I have.  I'm especially feeling pretty guilty for questioning God, the creator of the universe, as to why this is happening.  Now I'm at a point where I'm crying tears of shame and repentance.  It wasn't until I saw my pastor's response to the loss of Brent's job that those tears turned from shameful tears to tears of joy and I was overwhelmed with God's goodness, and His big picture plan.  His words were simply, "Exciting news! Watch what God does now."  You may be wondering why someone would call the loss of a job exciting news so I'll tell you why...We have been waiting on God's direction for Brent's career.  He's been applying here in there to open positions that fit his line of work, and there have been some promising call backs, but nothing has fallen into place for him.  That tells me that God is kicking him out of his current position, literally, and He has something so much better than we had envisioned for his career path.  I don't know what it is, but I do know that I can trust God to put all the pieces together.

I can't sit here and say that I'm not anxious or scared of the uncertainty we are facing because I am, but what I can say is that when I look back on the past year of my life, I can see where God was preparing us for this storm.  Never have I ever been more hungry for the word of God as I have been this past year, and I gained so much wisdom through my studies and I long for more of it each day.  Brent has grown so much spiritually over the past few years into an incredible man of God.  God has equipped the both of us with His mighty word.  He has surrounded us by an incredible body of believers who seek to serve at any capacity and who uplift us in prayer.  He has provided for our every need and we have never done without the necessities of life.  We have been blessed beyond anything we could ever deserve.

As I sat there and cried my tears of anger, frustration, shame, and joy, I imagined what God was feeling in those moments as he looked down on me, His beloved child, hurting and I could feel him hurting with me, catching my tears, and holding each one I shed in His mighty hand and I felt the most loved I have ever felt in my entire life.  The same God who was there in the beginning, the one who created the world and everything in it, the one who will have all bow down and worship Him was there catching my tears and reminding me that "He who began a good work in me, will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

Satan doesn't like it when we seek and believe God for His word and promises and truth, and I know there is an incredible amount of spiritual warfare going on all around us right now, but I need not fear because MY GOD has overcome the world!  He will NEVER leave me or forsake me.  He is the same today, yesterday, and tomorrow.  He is upholding me with His righteous right hand.  His ways are pleasant and His paths are peace.  He is able to do way more than I could ever ask, seek, or imagine.   He is mighty to save!  He strengthens, equips, prepares, and carries us through the hard times.  God, get ready because I'm riding piggy back on this adventure!

 Here's a song that always resonates with my heart during the storms of this life...

"There will be an end to these troubles, but until that day comes, still I will praise you!"

The Most Proud Moment in the Life of this Mommy

My oldest child Camryn has always given me a lot to be proud of.  She is definitely the typical first born. You know overachieving, definitive leader (aka bossy), smart as a whip, little grown up.  She typically makes wise decisions and airs on the side of caution.  It's easy to make a mommy proud when you follow the rules and don't appreciate when others bend or break them.  However, last night trumps all my proud mommy moments.

Camryn has been in church her entire life.  She has been inquiring about what it means to be saved for several months now.  She never quite grasped what it meant and just went about her business once her questions were answered.  Last night as I was tucking her in and saying her bedtime prayers with her, she called my name just as I was about to leave her side.  She said, "Mommy, how do I get saved?"  Naturally my heart started beating really fast and I was filled with such joy at her question.  I sat back down and asked for clarification of her question to ensure she was asking what I thought she was asking.  Indeed she was.  She told me about her afternoon at Good News Club and how they asked if anyone wanted to be saved or if anyone had questions about being saved.  She said that she raised her hand because she had questions.  We sat and talked about what it meant to be saved, what it meant for her future, the steps that people have to take after they are saved, and how you become saved.  I think maybe I explained a little too much at one time for her brain to take in because at the end she said, "I think I'm just going to wait for the right time."  I called Brent in for back up and to share the good news of her questions.  He explained a little more and told her that there would never be a right time.  Finally God gave me just the words to say when I was out of explanations.  Those words clicked with her and she said, "I want to be saved, but I don't know the prayer to save me."  Of course there is no magic prayer to grant salvation, but I am so blessed to have been able to lead her in a prayer granting her eternal salvation through Jesus Christ.  I got maybe three words out before the tears started flowing.  Then I hear her sweet little voice trembling as she repeated the words after me.  As we finished and said amen, I felt her loving arms wrap around me and squeeze me so tightly.  I whispered in her ears the words, "I am so proud of you.  I promise that this is the best decision you will ever make!" 

As I let her go I began to think about what was happening in heaven at that very moment.  In my mind I pictured a glorious party with angels dancing and praising God for her salvation so I figured why not show her what the angels in heaven were doing.  Yes, this mommy was doing the "Cabbage Patch" saying Go Camryn. It's your birthday.  

Now I am not naive enough to believe that Camryn fully understands what it means to be saved because I didn't grasp the full meaning and the wisdom of my salvation until later in life, but that's just how it works.  In  Romans 10:9-10 it says, "That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.  For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved."  That is where salvation begins...confession.  Then comes the road to wisdom.  Now we have the challenge (that I'm so happy to be a part of) to help in shaping and molding her into the incredible, beautiful woman of God that God has designed her to become.  I know there will be many trials, temptations, and worldly junk that she's going to encounter on that journey, but I am so thankful to know that God is right there with her upholding her with His righteous right hand and that, "...neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,  neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate (her) from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:38-39).  Psalm 37: 23-24 gives me confidence to know that He will finish the good work He began in her last night.  It says, "The LORD directs the steps of the godly.  He DELIGHTS in EVERY detail of their lives.  Though they stumble, they will NEVER fail, for the LORD holds them by the hand."  God has my girl's heart so I need not worry about a single detail of her life...that's His job!

As proud and as happy as I am, her earthly mother, I can just imagine the God who sent His one and only son to come and endure the cross for her sins smiling down on her weeping with joy and filled with fatherly pride, saying "SHE WAS WORTH IT".  She was worth it, I was worth it, and you, my friend (whoever you may be), ARE WORTH IT!!!  Have you taken that step and given your life to Jesus?  If not, will you take that step today?

P.S. To those who have taken any part in the decision my sweet girl made last night, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart.  Thank you for investing in the life of my precious baby!  Because of you and your love for God, Camryn now has the promise and hope of an eternal life spent in heaven, "playing with God" (as she said).  I ask you to join me in prayer and pray for "her story" that God has already written and her obedience to His calling on her life.  Phil. 1:6 "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in (her) will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."  

A special thank you to her amazing Good New Teachers who have really inspired, encouraged, and made sense to her this year (Michelle McClear and Mrs. Betty Jean Simms).  She adores you ladies and so do I!  Thank you to MIke & DeAnna Morris (you've done so much for the spiritual life of our family), Michael & Andi Williams (providing awesome lessons and Bible School and loving my children like your own), Our grow group (surrounding us with your friendship, love and kindness), "Mr. (Uncle) Chris" Gibson (you know you have a special place in this girl's heart...I couldn't think of anyone better!), Washington Baptist Church (for an amazing Good News Club and Awannas team), Danielle Owens (so, so much to thank you for, but today especially for picking her up from Good News and Awannas every week and loving her like your own), P.Collins (I know a seed was sown from you early on!), and anyone else who has shown my baby the love of Jesus!  Thank you!!!

Camryn, "I love you tttthhhhhiiisss much!"

The Dirty "J" Word...Judgement

My inspiration came from my Bible study this morning.  Today I encountered Matthew 7, and it deals a lot with the topic of judgement.  I was specifically drawn to verses 1 & 2, "Do not judge, or you too will be judged.  For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."  I originally began a Facebook status going a completely different direction, but something told me to just delete because God was telling me something else today, and I think He may even be telling someone else the same thing...Maybe it's you, maybe it's even just one specific person who needs to hear these words today, or maybe somewhere deep down inside, it's many of us.  Whatever the case may be, I felt led to share so here goes.

Let's go ahead and clear the air a little and be completely honest with ourselves for a minute. We are ALL guilty of casting judgement from time to time.  Whether it be in our hearts and minds, gossiping about someone else, or when we explode with a judgmental puke fest on someone when we're at our wits end.  Either way its a sin, in our minds or out in the open.  Maybe it's someone not disciplining their children the "right way" (AKA-your way).  Maybe it's walking into someone's house in disarray and thinking, "wow, this girl's a wreck just like her house!"  Maybe it's talking about how so and so doesn't cook for her family and instead stops at the drive thru night after night and leaves you saying how she doesn't love her kids like you do.  Maybe it's you looking at that person on drugs and saying, "what a dead beat.  How could they possibly choose a substance over the blessings God has given them?" Whatever it is, it's not right...(finger pointing at myself) 

Another glimpse into the judgment women cast is that they usually cast them to fellow women.  Why is that?

I don't know if it's completely a "woman thing" or not, but I know that many women struggle with comparison and it's usually one end of the spectrum or the other (in my experience).  It's either a woman who thinks that she has it all together and her way is the only way, or it's a woman who thinks that she stinks and everyone else has it all together so she tries and fails to be more like them.  The truth is, ladies, neither is correct!  Romans 3:23 says, "for ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."  Jesus also says in John 8:7, "...let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her."  I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that none of us would be picking up that stone to throw it if Jesus was standing next to us verbalizing those instructions to us today. 

Whichever end of the spectrum you fall on, the results can be catastrophic.  For the woman who is constantly throwing her "wisdom" (AKA judgement) at others, she could be tearing down someone who is already believing the lie that she's unloved, ugly, not worth it, and questioning whether or not she's even necessary in this world.  For the one who is constantly judging herself against "Suzie Homemaker" down the road, she'll eventually come to the realization that she'll never be her or "Suzie Homemaker" will fail her by falling short of her expectations and/or could possibly lead her astray. There's definitely dangers to both sides.  Do you really want to be on either end?

So I ask you today, sister, which are you? Or can you find yourself identifying with both sides maybe in different areas of you life?  Whichever it is, let's start a new trend and kick comparison to the curb because the truth is as women we all have different struggles.  We have to hear what is expected of us from the world, from the size our brazier should be to the number we see on the scale as we grudgingly step on to it holding our breath and squinting our eyes all while hoping to see the "right" number.  We can all identify with one another in our feelings of inadequacies so let's stop pretending we have it all together and be real with each other.  Let's stop condemning one another for not doing it "my way" or not prioritizing things "the way I would."   The truth is, friends, God created us all to be unique so that we could serve His purpose in this world.  Being unique means that we are going to be different, we're going to prioritize differently, we're going to discipline our children differently (which is going to keep that unique thing going), and some of us (hold your breath) are not going to care a lick if our house is utter chaos.  Let's embrace those differences instead of judging them. Lets reaffirm one another instead of adding yet another insecurity to a lady's life.  Let's vow to encourage our sisters in Christ  and live out Ephesians 4:29 ("Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.").  When you feel the need to be critical or judgmental stop yourself, confess your thoughts to God and choose to instead encourage your sister because you have no idea what she may be facing.  Let's not put the off-brand band-aid of putting someone else down to make ourselves look and/or feel better because we all know those off-brand band-aids don't hold very long so that wound is going to start bleeding out sooner than later. 

Challenge:

• Make a commitment to write a woman an encouraging note once a week just to uplift and reaffirm her.
• When you start to hear those judgmental thoughts running through your head, stop right then and confess them.  
• Before confronting anyone with judgments and/or criticisms, spend much time in prayer and self-examinations to determine whether your motives are indeed honorable.  If not, confess it and leave it at the cross.
• Be an encourager whenever possible. Be real with your girlfriends and don't pretend  like you have it all together.  We shouldn't expect perfection from one another, but we should expect love and support from those who we identify so closely with!
• Let's revolutionize the way women respond to women!